These are actual sentences written or announced in church bulletins. Church secretaries are awesome.

a. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at
Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

b. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER &FASTING
Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting &Prayer Conference includes meals."

c. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

d. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

e Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

f. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

g. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

h . Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

i. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

j. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

k. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.

l. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons.

m. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

n. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

o. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.

p. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

q. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

r. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

s. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

t. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

u. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.

v. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

w.. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

x.. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sung in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

y. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

z.. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

aa. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

ab. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

ac. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

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"She's waiting for a prince in shining armor, and I don't even know how to put armor on."

r. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.


lol, they were pretty funny.

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Church?? Whats that? The last time i saw the inside of a church i was 12. How is it nowadays.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

I cracked up at all of them but I think this one was the best.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.


lol, those are pretty funny! Something like one of these happened at my church, and everyone start laughing so hard.

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ebaumsworld.com. Go under pcitures or something like that and go under 'Real Pictures'. One church sign read, "The most powerful position is on your kness." Whether it means religiously or sexually, who cares?! It's still funny.

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Why do you drive on a park-way and park on a drive-way?

Funny list. The "weight watchers use double doors" one is the best.

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"Back to the 602; It's a 105 in the shade and I'm sippin' on a lemonade. Phoenix, Arizona puts the heat up on ya; I should warn ya the girls is fine as California." - Sir Mix Alot

"Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done."

I love this one.

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"She's waiting for a prince in shining armor, and I don't even know how to put armor on."

At one time two of our pastors were Randy (last name) and Travis (last name). One week the admin accidentley printed "Randy Travis will be doing...". lol

There's another funny one I've heard on that list it goes. "All members interested in sinning, are invited to become members of the choir." (it's supposed to say Singing). lol

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^ haha,...... not




i like letter f

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Ruler of TN's Darkside
Hell is truth seen to late
R.I.P.-Orient Express