Miracle Strip & Panama City, 6/5-6/6/2004

The trip began as a farewell to Miracle Strip, but particularly Starliner. However, somewhere along the way so much emphasis was taken off Starliner and on the several unique attractions at Miracle Strip. The trip up to Miracle Strip began at 6:45am with my Dad, Justin, and myself. Along the path, we swung by Gainesville to pick Bart up. The approximately seven hour trip up wasn’t too bad. Once off I-10 going south to Panama City, there are plenty of signs and structures to make fun of in this sparse and odd stretch of road. The billboards for Dirty Dick’s Crab House were perhaps the most intriguing coming into Panama City. Once there, we found Miracle Strip after passing the adjacent waterpark. Plenty of parking spots were to be found as we did not compensate for the time change and arrived about an hour before (1pm) it opened (2pm). We scoped the entrance out briefly and then decided to get one round of the infamous Goofy Golf in.

Goofy Golf is within walking distance of Miracle Strip and is probably the best golf course I’ve played on. Lost in the midst of jungle and castle themed putt-putt’s, one course open since 1959 shines like a beacon of the roadside attractions of yesterday. The two courses are littered with large creatures with no coherent theme. A red Chinese dragon leads us to the window where a game can be purchased for $5. We opted for course #2 first because course #1 looked to be the best. We’d get around to that the next day. A purple dinosaur stands along side hole 1. This dinosaur is a walk-in. Feel free to explore the ribs of this beast from the inside before you take your first shot. Hole 1 is aptly named “The Goop” and is simply a weird alien creature that you run down his gullet in order to come out near the hole. The holes continue and become more unique. One you must hit around a rocket, another you hit through a chicken coop. From one hole, we’re forced to walk through a bizarre cave grotto to get to the next hole. There are misc. sites such as a fountain with Poseidon head that have nothing to do with the holes. To finish the course we found a bobbing emu, a tail-wagging monkey, a Sphinx, a coiled snake, and a giant rainbow fish. Before we left, I got one of every vintage postcard Goofy Golf had at 25 cents a piece. That ate up just enough time to get back to the Miracle gates in time for opening.

An armband including admission will cost only $18 and the entertainment inside is plenty worth it. First in the gates we angled towards the coaster, but just couldn’t resist riding what lied within the giant satan head. Yes, that’s right; it’s called Dante’s Inferno. This very well-kept head is the entrance (right in his mouth!) to an indoor trabant. We got a seat and were the only ones on the ride for the first run. The building was filled with smoke and white and red lights flashed wildly as we spun in the dark. There was music played, but it often doesn’t fit. On our first run, the Beach Boys was blasted. Beach Boys in a giant devil’s head… that’s kind of funny. Once the front spin was done the employee declared we’d now go BACKWARDS (backwards said in weird evil voice). This is certainly a unique flat ride and the best trabant I’ve ever been on. Next up, the Starliner.

The Starliner queue ramps up and around the curved station. A quick three rides in the key seats for any wooden coaster (front, third, and back) revealed that it was a solid out ‘n back. The back row provides the best ride, but a rougher ride. Going up the chain lift, the smell of grease was apparent and strong. The first drop provides some air, but at the bottom of the hill is probably the roughest spot of the ride although not that bad. The second hill bounced us up and down violently. Shortly after, the train dives into the mouth of a dragon. A tunnel with an airtime producing hop follows. The train turns and makes a run for home. No airtime on the trip back, just a leisurely ride. This ride is somewhat night and day. On the trip out, you won’t spend much time in the seat (if in the back row), but on the trip back you spend all the time in your seat and don’t get beat around. The restraints help the airtime as it is a single seatbelt with buzz bars. However, there is a divider.

We decided to get the lackluster looking S&S tower with over with now. The O2 Tower, as it’s called, is not a Double Shot, but it shoots up and then goes into a Turbo Drop mode. The sequence was somewhat odd and not too exciting, but the view of ocean is worth riding at least once. Next on the list was the Haunted Castle, a classic two story, rail guided haunted house. We entered through a ghoulish tree into the load. Little two seat cars take us through the first doors up a ramp. A hobgoblin-looking goon warns us to leave now, but why listen to him? We go through two brief second story scenes, one of hilarious “dancing” vampire, before we break outside, down a ramp, and into the building. The roof narrows and we escape being scalped by a neon green roof. We pass a couple characters and, oddly enough, a mini-fridge. We pass an electric chair victim and enter a classic spinning blacklight tunnel. A few more dimly lit scenes lead us to an awkward burst of speed downward towards a menacing rat. What follows is a unique scene and somewhat funny. A figure of a man lights up above us and the head comes off and ziplines over our head. Immediately following it was a visual trick that tried to seem like we were going to barrel roll, but of course we don’t. The next trick is a balcony above us with a creature, but as your attention is focused there an alligator bursts in from the right with a buzz and a light. It scared some members of our group (Justin). The finale is a bizarre lab scene with a Judge Doom look alike and a thrashing Frankenstein. The ride was insanely campy, and therefore great.

Moving along the midway we came upon the Abominable Snowman, another indoor flat with a giant figure at the entrance. This figure was an abominable snowman straddling the entrance. He grinned and looked down upon approaching guests. A fat polar bear held the height restriction sign. Who could resist? Once inside, the ride is a Scrambler with mirrors surrounding the walls, cold air blasting, minor fog, music, and rainbow disco lights intermingling with white lights. The cycle itself is moderate, but the indoor element makes it a cut above other scramblers. Across the midway was our next hit, the Antique Cars. A sheriff with a confederate flag patch on his uniform stood as the warning sign. You must have a sober driver the sign stated. We were sober, but that doesn’t mean we were going to drive the cars as such. Bart and I grabbed a car while Justin and Dad got the next available car. The cars themselves featured a steering wheel on the right side, no gas pedal or brake, and a horn for the passenger to lay on. The cars wound back towards a field where the flume was housed and bushed some woods at the back of the park. It was actually a fun antique car course not to mention being obnoxious with the horn.

In the middle of the midway lie a ride similar to a Roll-O-Plane, but the cars did not rotate, they simply looped over and over. Bart and I were the only two to brave this contraption. We squeezed into a tiny, and sweltering hot, cabin. A seat belt and lap bar was the only thing keeping us from slamming our head on the top of the car. As the ride got going, we were flinging all around that cabin. Our arms had to suffice as head padding on each hanging inversion we got. I had fun with the employee telling him he was tormenting the guests with this contraption. The ride was a full-body work out, but when all was said and done, it was an original ride that was fun. Not needing any major g-forces for a few minutes, we went over to the Log Flume. We all fit into one log, which weighed us down quite a bit. It was a very typical, lackluster flume with two drops. Between drops we dragged the bottom of the trough due to the weight of our log.

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"BECAUSE someone like you cared a whole afwul lot, this park is alive where before it was not." -The Street of the Lifted Lorax, IOA

After a quick dinner (corndog, fries, and souvenir “40 Years of Fun!” cup), it was back to the spinning madness of the midway. Bart and Dad went to check in to our hotels while me and Justin wrote various things. We rode Haunted Castle a few more times, laughing just as much each time. We went over to check out the indoor flat we had not done yet, The Dungeon. Dungeon doors welcome us into a spider web painted Tilt-A-Whirl. There’s was something about it that made it seem like it was based around Elvira at one point. The usual flashing lights and music accompanied the action. Our first ride was not filled with whirling, just a lot of tilting. We decided coming back later, with more people in the car, there’d probably be more whirlage. We then went to ride Dante’s Inferno. This second go around was not as good as the first. One reason was that the girl in front of us looked ready to vomit, the second was that the ride went way too long and nauseated us after that greasy dinner, and lastly the music played was awful. Just as the ride ended Summer of ’69 started. The long ride would’ve been more tolerable if that was played. The whole day we were cursed with analyzing the park music and which would be good or awful on the three flats. That unsettling Inferno experience led us to a ride on the park Train. It was a small train and scooted around the back of the park. The train went back into the woods which we thought bounded the park, but apparently not. There was no theming, just a relaxing ride. The tiny benches, however, left us with a hobble for quite a few minutes. A few more Haunted Castle rides and the other two returned.

We rode the train again and then hit Dungeon with three people to our car. This time we did get a good constant spin, which made the ride much better. We rode the coaster a few more times and then headed to the ferris wheel, which was operated by a man in a hard hat. Justin and I sat this one out and instead played the shooting gallery. It was full of cheesy stunts like a boxing glove punching a can of Hawaiian Punch. There was one hilarious stunt though. There is a window with the shade pulled down and the appearance of a naked woman behind it. When you shoot the target to open the shade, it reveals an old man who then proclaims in an enthusiastic southern drawl: “I feel a draft!” After a break on one of the park’s many rocking seats, which we turned into a thrill ride, we went over to try Blue Thunder, a himalaya type ride. The main thing that attracted us to this was the large zany face as the centerpiece to this ride. It had starburst eyes, triangle nose, goofy grin, and various stars and such popping out of its head. A few more rides on Dungeon and Abominable Snowman led us to getting a soft serve cone for a reasonable price. While consuming it, we watched the ride operator taunt the kids on the junior bumper cars. After, we looked for merchandise. The only item they sold were youth shirts, but they looked nice because it contained characterized Dante’s Inferno and Abominable Snowman images on it. We had to settle for armbands and cups as the only souvenirs.

The night crept toward the final hours. Bart and I gave an obligatory ride on the always fun Wave Swinger before repeating our favorites. The night finished with doing our favorites: Abominable Snowman, Haunted Castle, and Starliner. The Starliner was pretty fun at night, particularly through the now pitch black tunnel. We particularly liked commenting on people walking and riding on the beach road while we waited in the Starliner queue. For the last ride of the night, we went over to the Haunted Castle. By now the employees knew us and were probably sick of us, particularly Justin and I, of riding. As we exited our car, the loudspeaker announced all rides closed. The operator then ran from the exit where we were to the entrance a placed a trashcan there. That made it quite apparent and directed at us that no more Haunted Castle rides were to be had. And so our visit ended. The park itself was very fun and will be missed. Haunted Castle was our favorite and we hope it gets bought by someone. Starliner was a good coaster, but lacked pacing. If it was better paced it’d be on par with other Allen greats, but it falls short and ends up just being good. The three indoor flat rides were each fantastic. It’s amazing what a little indoor theming will do for traditional flat rides. I hope to see all these rides bought by a park that’ll take as good care as Miracle Strip has if not more.



The next day was a misc. day, just seeing the various sites of Panama City before we headed out. We gathered the troops for a drive down Front Beach Rd. aka home of too many skycoasters and putt-putt courses. We looked into Cobra Action Park, home of the S&S Snowshot. It didn’t look too impressive, so we didn’t ride, but the price was reasonable at $12 for two rides. Goofy Golf was beckoning as we passed, so we went to play the course we missed. Course #1 was definitely the better course. Among the holes was a ball eating gator, a snail, outhouse (I was the only one to hit it in the crapper), and octopus. There was a wind mill which was disconcertingly non-goofy. The Chinese face with ant on it was certainly goofy. The tyrannosaurus moving a monkey up and down was nonsensical. The spider covering and uncovering the 12th hole was just funny. The Buddha where you had to shoot your golf ball out of a hole in his crotch was nothing short of politically incorrect fun. However, the hole that takes the cake is shooting through a 30 foot tall blue Easter Island head. The best part? You can walk up inside head! That’s right, this long climb provides fantastic picture opportunities for standing on the top or sticking your head out of the nostrils of the icon. This is certainly my favorite putt-putt course, do visit it if you are in the area.

We then took a look out on a pier and smelt that sea water. The heat was making us tired and hungry. What better way to end the trip then by eating at the ever-so intriguing Dirty Dick’s Crab House? We took a seat and were pleased to find that we got crayons and could draw on the blank white paper table cloth. What better way to pay tribute to Miracle Strip than recreating it in crayon at a place called Dirty Dick’s? We drew it in our own experience. It included Roll-O-Plane with “Ow, my skull” subtitles, decapitated zipline dude from Haunted Castle (complete with *woosh* motion), Starliner with diagram of painful spots, devil head, spread eagle Abominable Snowman, “I feel a draft” guy, Blue Thunder face, painful Train seats, Goofy Golf, and much more. We all signed it and took a few pictures after the good meal. The gift shop was filled with innuendo merchandise such as “I got my crabs at Dirty Dick’s” and “Go deep with Dirty Dick’s”. This isn’t your classy restaurant, but does have good food and it is fun to write on the paper on the table. With that, we left town. The ride home was dominated by jokes of nasty Yoo Hoo Mocha Justin bought and had to drink without vomiting. The trip was plenty of fun. Go visit Miracle Strip if you can before it passes on; it really is a good park with unique rides. We’ll miss Miracle Strip…

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"BECAUSE someone like you cared a whole afwul lot, this park is alive where before it was not." -The Street of the Lifted Lorax, IOA

Starliner was my first coaster, and Miracle Strip was my first amusement park. I'm gonna curl into a ball in cry..............

So sad MS will be gone soon. It will be missed sorely and will go down in the history book with the other great traditional seaside parks. Someone rich please buy Starliner!!! How ironic condos will be taking it's place, as I will have no need for a condo there without MS.
By the way GREAT TR rocketman23. It was as though I could smell the cotton candy and greasy food wafting from my computer screen hehe.

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I'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so

Well, Im hoping my letter gets to the owner of Wild Adventures so that Starliner may live a 2nd life at Cypress Gardens. I never been to the panhandle before, hmm, say SFOG Freak, isnt your dad rich? Let him buy it then.

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^ Ummmmmmmmmmm, no.