OT TR: We attended a redneck wedding from hell.

Katie · #1 06-23-2008, 11:56 AM

So on Saturday, we had to be in Moundsville,WV for Matt's older brother's wedding. Matt was the ring bearer. We are still horrified, thank god we didn't stay for the food or the reception. I was getting exhausted and the people were just freaking me out. Here are some of the highlights.

-The wedding party didn't match. Groom wore pink (vest and tie), groomsmen wore green (peridot vest and tie), bridesmaids wore green (peridot gowns), Maid of Honor wore purple (lilac), Bride wore white dress purple sash (lilac). Apparently, people don't know how to match color schemes anymore.

-The wedding photographer was a complete joke. I don't know where she got her education, but it sucked. She took pictures of people head-on. They all looked like a deer in headlights. She even somehow made the bride look way fat. I will post pictures later.

-The Pastor forgot the Lords Prayer. WTF? Who forgets that? You learn that young and it sticks, I swear.

-The mother of the bride wore BLACK! Not something nice...it was above the knee and looked like it was bought at Walmart.

-The brides' side of the church were so redneck they were wearing tank tops, jeans and chains sticking out of them. OMFG, you are at a wedding people, dress appropriately. The one child was wearing a Bill Engvall T-shirt and jean shorts. None of them looked decent enough to attend a bar, let alone a church for a wedding.

-We heard throughout the day from many people "Did you put your teeth in? I did!" I think that was one of the worst things we witnessed and/or heard. There were many things I heard, all of them scared us.

-The reception hall was too small for the crowd they had for the wedding, the bride's mother was an idiot for picking this place. Apparently, she didn't wait for the RSVP's to come in. They were about 40 chairs short. I bet you money they were over in people what was called for a fire code.

-The reception hall looked so bad a VFW would have looked better. It literally looked like someone puked all over the floor and they spread it around like paint. The floor was chipping up the linoleum. Oh yeah and the best part was where the children (NOT MATT) were throwing poppers on the floor of the hall. Who the hell does that?

-It was BYOB. You couldn't have hard liquor, apparently the brides side of the family gets violent when they have hard liquor. The beer was Natural Light and Bud Light (high end). AkA: Piss water.

-The brides mother had cooked over 35 pounds of ham for the reception. Who the hell eats that much. Oh wait nevermind....you should have seen the crowd. They were hideous. I am never one to talk, but my husband and I were OVER dressed for this wedding compared to the rest of the people and the families of the bride and groom.

-For the dinner (we didn't see the table we left before it was served) but they had homeade stuffed cabbage, rigatoni and FRIED CHICKEN FROM WALMART! Omfg, how ghetto can this be? Ghetto really didn't cover what this event was. It looked like a family reunion gone seriously wrong.

We thankfully left the reception around 5:30pm and were so glad to get home from that genetically defective people they call Moundsville.

And genetically defective was putting it nicely. You all have no idea. I will post some pictures as soon as we get the film developed and the digital ones dumped into the PC.

**Andrew P** · #2 06-23-2008, 01:43 PM

^I think you could have invited any member of ACE, and they would have eaten whatever was shoved in front of them.

**Leo C** · #3 06-23-2008, 02:33 PM

I ate my lunch while reading this and I think I wanted to heave it out when I got to the details.

Coaster Freak · #4 06-23-2008, 02:41 PM

Thanks for the ideas...I'll be sure to include some of those for my wedding this fall!! j/k

That must have been brutal! I can see why you left before the food was even served. I would have been so embarrassed if that were my wedding.

***Steven*** · #5 06-23-2008, 03:31 PM

Actually, that is not that uncommon down here in the deep South... Jeff Foxworthy was telling the truth. Did their car say "done got hitched?"

Catering and dresses provided by Wal-Mart

The ones on CMT don't even come close.

Katie · #6 06-23-2008, 03:58 PM

At least the ones on CMT match and have a theme. LMAO

This was down right....ugly and appalling. There really are no words to describe the scene from Saturday.

I have one piece of advice for anyone getting married. Match your colors and find a kick ass photographer.

Mohead · #7 06-23-2008, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew Polcyn

^I think you could have invited any member of ACE, and they would have eaten whatever was shoved in front of them.

Totally!! Acer's at a buffet reminds me of a pack of hyenas rooting through garbage.

epijlh · #8 06-23-2008, 06:57 PM

Were the bride and groom cousins?

MixedDrink · #9 06-23-2008, 07:56 PM

^ ROFLS!
Wouldn't be surprised.

Katie · #10 06-23-2008, 08:07 PM

Actually for once, they weren't cousins or related for that matter. Still scary though!

We know the grooms family, none of them were too over the top, but the brides side were pure genetically defective redneck yardbird types of people. If you get what I mean.

**Wes** · #11 06-23-2008, 08:14 PM

I have lived in the South all my life, and never been to a wedding that bad.

I did however run sound for a wedding where as soon as the preacher finished the service, these two girls jumped up and ran out of the chapel.

It was a shotgun wedding to say the least.

Anyone ever seen a womanless wedding? Hilarious.

CoasterKid_2006 · #12 06-23-2008, 08:58 PM

WELL YOU KNOW WHAT!?!? I WAS ACTUALLY DOING THE SAME THING FOR MY WEDDING YOU JERKS! I FIND THIS SORT OF STUFF APPEALING! AS A MATTER OF FACT I MAY RECREATE THIS!

Haha! I'm deff. just kidding. But honestly, this does sound pretty sad. I live in the sound, Tennessee, however I'm originally from Ireland. And in the 10 year's I've lived here (We still live in Dublin, we just come and go....), I'm now 16, I've noticed this kind of stuff going on around here. But, even though it's sad, it feels appropriate...

**Brian F** · #13 06-24-2008, 01:58 AM

Katie, you just got revenge for every one of my MySpace surveys that caused you to shoot coffee out of your nose.

Katie · #14 06-24-2008, 07:11 AM

LMAO You so suck, Brian!!

***Steven*** · #15 06-24-2008, 08:50 AM

At my wedding, all the bridesmaids are going to wear Hooters uniforms, and all the photography is going to be done on those disposable cameras. Then, my car is going to say "done got hitched".

At the reception, we're also going to have possum and squirrel as the main course, complete with a hoedown.

Seriously though, I have a wedding to go to on the 5th of July. It won't be like that. Though, the invite was the most original one I've ever seen (in a good sense). It wasn't fancy and overly formal, but it did have an opaque overlay with a drawing made by the groom's son of their new blended family. My next problem is to figure out where to sit, because I'm friends of both the bride and the groom. I may have to sit in the aisle.